Nov 21, 2015

Milhouse The Cat Talks Kitchen Hi-Jinks and Maintaining Position Within The Family Dynamic

6 Weird Things My Cat Does in the Kitchen, as Explained by My Cat

November 20, 2015
I’ve shared a home with my cat Milhouse for over seven years, and I still find myself asking, “Why are you doing that?” at least once a week. Many times, this question pops up in the kitchen, where he has some odd habits he has picked up over the years. He hasn’t answered me yet, but a cat lady can dream. And in those dreams, this is how he explains himself.
1. Drinking from the Faucet
Which would you choose: water that has been sitting in a bowl on the floor overnight, or fresh, cool, clean water flowing from the faucet? I’ll also point out that the choice became even easier when you acquired the dog and I was forced to share a communal water dish with her. She stinks and she splashes water everywhere with her disgusting slurping. In this indoor prison you’ve trapped me in for life, faucet water is the closest I’ll ever get to the wild, tumbling rivers my ancestors once drank from. Don’t begrudge me that.
2. Lounging on Top of the Cabinets
Why do I hang out in that space between the top of the kitchen cabinets and the ceiling, you ask? Well, I could turn it around and ask you a few questions. Like why do you do so many terrifying things? Turning on the vacuum? Pointless. It obviously doesn’t work if you have to do it again a few days later. Bringing home a mini-person who squawks and stinks worse than the dog? Don’t get it. (Side note: Why on earth are you teaching him how to walk on his own?)
But the worst of all is when you move me from one indoor prison to another — it’s not like I enjoy being in prison, but at least my space was my own. I don’t think you realize how long it takes to rub my face and body against every vertical surface of a new place. Let me wallow in misery alone on top of the cabinets, please.
3. Peering Under the Refrigerator
Speaking of moving, thank you for at least moving to a city with an active population of giant cockroaches that sometimes fly. How exciting! It really adds an element of surprise to my evenings to occasionally chase them around, play with them, and let them scuttle away, free.
What? No, it’s your job to kill them. That’s why I sit and stare under the fridge for so long in that intent and creepy way. I’m telling you so you can go get the shoe ready. Sorry if it makes you uncomfortable.
Just kidding. I’m not sorry.
4. Setting Oven Timers
You say I walk across the oven and push the buttons, which beep in a loud and irritating way. I say you’re right — the beeping is really annoying. Can’t you do something about that?
All right, there was that one time an oven timer went off at 3:00 in the morning and I know you blame me. But trust me, I was framed. A giant flying cockroach did it.
5. Chewing on Green Onions, Leeks, and Other Alliums
You never let me indulge in one of my favorite hobbies: chewing on the green onions, chives, and leeks you bring home. That’s why I have to do sneaky things like stick my head in the fridge when you open it to gnaw on the leeks you have sitting on the shelf, or prowl around when the CSA box is delivered, in case you leave the green onions unattended. Look, I know alliums can be toxic for cats, but you don’t see me knocking your wine glass off the table or hiding your coffee beans under the couch. You have your vices, I have mine.
6. Napping on Aprons
Let me get this straight. You want to place a folded pile of soft, clean fabric in a basket in a room where every other surface is cold and hard, right in the spot where the sun shines in and makes everything all cozy — and you don’t want me to take a nap on it? Not even during the hours and hours when you are out of the house and I am home alone? Riiiiiiiiight. Good luck with that.

Cows Kissing Pitbulls--a little bit of heaven right here on Earth

Culture is a funny thing. It dominates how we think and why we do what we do. Culture decides which animals we should eat and which ones we should fear.
Often negative stereotypes are a byproduct of our cultural programming. Stereotypes are misleading and often turn out to be just plain wrong. This is as true for animal stereotypes as well as human. Knowing this, this image of a Pit Bull getting smothered in kisses illustrates two of some of the worst stereotypes that we hold against animals and straight up turns them on their heads.
cows kissing dog
The idea that it is okay to exploit cows because they are stupid, boring animals that have no idea what is happening to them is actually incorrect. It turns out that cows are very intelligentanimals, with excellent memories. They have shown a unique ability to remember faces and locations and some have even demonstrated an understanding of the mechanical world by using latches to open gates. Being herd animals, they are also quite social, enjoying play and affection on a regular basis. They are very much aware of their surroundings, so there is no excuse for the terrible treatment that they receive in today’s barbaric meat and dairy factories.
Pit Bulls, like cows, also have a lot of negative stereotypes to overcome. Many people wrongfully believe that they are vicious, aggressive animals with locking jaws, unlike any other dog breed, but the reality is that “Pit Bull” isn’t even an official breed of dog. They are bred from many different types of dogs to have certain dominant characteristics, but  physically, there are no locking jaws or innate viciousness. To the contrary, Pit Bulls are highly intelligent dogs, with a love of play that makes them very trainable. During WWII, they were military working dogs, with Petey from the Little Rascals making the Pit Bull America’s nanny dog for many years until a cultural shift in the 1980s (driven by a rise in dogfighting) decided that they were monsters. Today, they are feared animals who are subjected to breed specific legislation and barred from certain cities. Adding to this, Pit Bulls have the highest rate of euthanasia out of all different breeds singled out by the law for euthanasia and other, unfair treatment.
These animals, are both the victims of cultural fixations that say one is to be feared and that one is to be eaten. The fact is that Pit Bulls do not exist to cause fear, any more than cows exist to become meat or milk or both for the masses. They, like every other animal on earth, exist to find happiness and love and understanding, regardless of what role humanity is having them play.
These days, culture dictates that cows and Pit Bulls all over the U.S. should be denied love and affection. Luckily, this picture is proof that they are not denying it to each other! These animal ambassadors make us question all of our cultural notions of food and fear and ask, “But seriously, why can’t we all get along?”
Image source: Imgur

by Latrice Harrison

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