Feb 16, 2014

mother is bill o'reilly

"You're balling me out!"

That's what mother always says...

You're balling me out!

Mother shouts and then looks at me with the indignance of bill o'reilly.

Mother is bill o'reilly.

mother loves to make proclamations in an arrogant fashion.

What she says is true.

Its just when you're a kid it's hard to tell the difference of what is real and what isn't....particularly when someone is shouting what you perceive to be a fact at you....it's not until you are older and think about it that one may guess that tidbit you held onto forever may not be based on an actual truth.

You're too little--you don't have the where with all--you're hit with a blast--just trying to survive the blast not to decipher if the insult is true or false.

Back to balling out.....

I said, "People get angry when someone testifies in court against them for them to lose their children--on the side of the ex-husband, twice."

mother said she didn't do it.

I said, you did, I saw you there.

Mother said well, I really didn't say anything.

What's the point?..........

I get so angry with mother but she throws me out, or hangs up, or says real, real stupid things like...

Imagine, a daughter balling a mother out, why, I never would have balled my mother out.

She says with an unbelievable indignance. .....

okay...well, I'm just saying mother is frustrating....I'm really not a bad person.

but, most of all, thanks for reading.

mother always gets in everything and contaminates it

You see, I always knew, even from the time when I was little, not to listen to mother.

I always knew that.

I mean, I really knew it.

I always tell people I knew when I was 12 years old if I ever had children not to let mother take care of them.  I remember saying that to my self and I remember saying to myself I can't believe I am only twelve years old and I am saying that to myself.

But the problem is that mother is confusing.....

I can never get away from mother.  Mother always gets in everything.  She always gets in my business.

Why...it's like it is her career or something.

she always has to tell everyone what a bad person I am.

she always has to get with other people, people that do not like me, or certainly do not have my best interest at heart.......she gets with those people and makes an alliance.

Everyone that I know that knows mother thinks I am really a bad person and it is a good thing to do things against me.

They think it is funny and I deserve it.

My ex-husband said "Paybacks are hell" laughing as I complained I would never be able to live when he levied 800 dollars a month from my paycheck.

Yes, I ended up filing bankruptcy.

Yes, my credit was bad forever.

I've said to mother.....my ex-husband, of course I say his name, was not nice to me....he spent a lot of time insulting me......once in a while he hit me.

And mother always says.......

Well, even a dog, even a dog if they are backed into a corner will fight back.

Mother says I deserve it because I talk so bad.

Why, I fussed when I was two years old and accused of her things then.

I guess mother is always operating on the bad seed theory.

So here is the confusing part.....I also had my Grandma....possibly the greatest person that has ever lived on this earth.

She saved money for me to go to college from the time I was in kindergarten.  She said I was going to college.  By the time it was time for me to go to college she had me so brainwashed I never questioned the idea.

Grandma said I did everything so well.

One time I painted the linen closet when I was ten and Grandma said I did such a good job.  She said I did a really big job and then she told everyone of my brilliance at painting linen closets in my presence.  Oh, yes, I bought it hook, line and sinker.

Grandma was my saving grace....my savior...I think she wanted me to have a good life.

Back to college Montgomery Wards and the confusion of mother.......

But then mother said I had to sign over my bank account to her.......this was the money Grandma had spent all of this time saving.

I really did not know what was happening but I knew it was wrong.

Mother came to Montgomery Wards where I was working with the bank book and said I had to sign something because she needed money to remodel the bathroom.

Well, the whole thing was confusing because I was working.  You know, selling dresses to ladies in my hot pants.

Mother came in with her friend...her and the friend got mad when I would not sign the thing or whatever they wanted me to do.

The friend was Beatrice....she later divorced mother of their friendship because she treated her own mother, my Grandma, poorly, in the end.

I told mother that was why Beatrice divorced her, because Beatrice told me, but mother said that wasn't it at all.

mother is insane...or is mother insane...perhaps I'm insane as mother said.

Mother used to routinely say I was psychotic but I learned I was not harmful to myself or others in school so I told mother , actually I was not psychotic so mother said.

"Oh, well then you're neurotic."

You see,mother is confusing.

Can you see that mother is confusing?

One day, on Thursday, mother said I made her sick--she's always had a heart condition--there is not a specific diagnosis--and she had sold the house and I had to be out by the weekend.

this did put a hitch in my life as I went to school full time and worked part time at Montgomery Wards.
mother said you can join the navy, move in with Tom or move in with Grandma--I don't care what you do.

I'll stop now because the story sours here--I should have made better decisions and I did not.

I anyone reads this I would like to say thank your for your time.