Aug 3, 2014

Does Fred Have a Dog in The Fight......

What is Fred's Dog in the fight.

The story of Fred and mother.

What is the story of Fred and mother.

No, Fred has invested a lot of effort in the situation.  Fred has invested a lot of time in helping mother.  Fred has made a large effort to keep me, the long suffering daughter, at arm's length to mother.

Has Fred ever tried to see me as a human being with value or only as a villain?

An incident took place at Ruth's 92 birthday party that has always been very perplexing to me.

Mother has 4 cousins--all about the same age--they have been very close over the years--somewhat like sisters.....I guess.  They are the children that were the brothers and sisters of Grandpa, the beloved alcoholic.

Marion, Ruth, Mary and Frances.

Frances is my mother--Marion is Freddie's mother.

About six years ago Fred became the power of attorney for mother.  I have said in recent years I am annoyed and embarrassed--as if Freddie is her daughter, not me; I have complained on more than one occasion.

Mother always says the lame excuse that Freddie can lift and has a truck if that would need be--as if she would have to move in a hurry.

Now, this does not make sense, either, as in recent times mother has stated on more than one occasion Freddie is really broke and they only have one car.  "Freddie does not have very much money."

Why is Freddie frequently recounting his financial situation to mother, one would have to ask?

Fred likes to set up televisions and phones for mother--as if I'm too dumb to plug the TV in......something about there only being one plug and I can't reach it--I did suggest an extension cord but that was shot down immediately.  Everything is "funny" at the manor mother said.

Back to the birthday party..............

Mother and I agreed we should go to the birthday party as it was an important family event and Ruth is a brilliant person and everyone really loves her....a lot!

Mother had hinted initially--should she really be bothered--mother can't be bothered with most things and often makes excuses.

It was a Saturday and I had to work that day as I worked just about every Sat--I got off at 3PM--I tried to get off early but I could not.

We were in a time frame as we wanted to get there to see everyone and we were barely making it before the end of the party.

We discussed the details of the logistics of me picking up mother and our time frame in depth.

We went over the fact many times that mother would miss her meal at "the manor" several times as we noted snacks and cake would be at the party.

We said several times, repeatedly, it is more important to go to the party than be in attendance of the evening meal.

Mother has three meals a day a St. Pauls Manor--I guess these meals are extremely important to her as she often uses them as an excuse or reason to do or not do things.

"I don't want to miss my meal," mother seems to enjoy shouting.

We agreed mother will miss her evening meal.


I got off work--

picked up mother--

took her to the party in El Cajon--

went back to La Mesa to get my dog so he could go out--

let him run around in Ruth's big yard for a few minutes--

went into the party. chatted with people and sat down to have a bite of cake--

people were already beginning to wind up--

there was an album on the table of pictures including pictures of Ann.  I remember Ann--she had polio and Ruth took the best care of Ann.  She lived until she was about 23.......I can still hear her talking and saying "Hi, Sharon."

I really wanted to see those pictures.

Just as I sat down to have a bite of cake and enjoy chatting mother said she wanted to go.

I said to mother wait a minute I just got here and I want to see these pictures and I had to dig for my glasses and everything.

But, as usual, mother was insistent.   I said again for her to wait--we are talking about 5 or ten minutes.

Fred made some mention that mother wanted to go as he was sitting  near.

"Your mother wants to go,"  Freddie boldly informed.

I said I just got here I want to have a bite and see these pictures.  Mother then said I could come back another time and see the pictures.

All of a sudden mother jumped up and said she had to go because she was missing her meal.  The next thing I knew Freddie was escorting her out to the car--quoting her re:  the meal, and of course, I had to run behind.

I have always felt this was an extremely weird situation--I mean, what was the point of the whole thing.

Would Fred ever like to hear my side of the story.

Would Fred believe me.

Would anyone believe me.

Does Fred think I am capable of plugging in a television.

Would Fred ever say to mother.......gee, I love helping you with everything but I think Sharon would like to buy you a television and phone once in a while and plug it in.  I think we might be hurting her feelings.

Hmmm.....Sharon is the daughter but I wonder if she is actually capable of doing anything.  Would it be better for me to always look good at Sharon's expense......After all, I'm just doing what Frances wants.

When Ruth called up and told my wife the, wait, I'll just pretend I don't know that.

Does Fred want to know the truth......does Fred care.

Did mother ever have her meal that day at the manor......was she hungry?

The other remaining question........

Is mother a millionaire as she told me her cousin's suggested to her and she denied?

Oh, I'm sure mother enjoyed that reputation but in reality I think mother is broke like every one else.

It was so fun seeing those people that day--that situation would never really take place again.......and, oh, by the way, Ruth likes me.........

What is the upshot--I guess really mother does not want me and I have to accept that.  It seems like mother had to play along as long as Grandma was strong but as soon as she became weak mother is always looking for justification for throwing me out--Fred and his mother are always very willing to supply the proper answers.

What is the goal of Fred Carrick--does he have a dog in the fight.

If he is just acting as a good Samaritan as he often claims wouldn't he ultimately want to know the truth?

Wouldn't he want to get to know me?

Wouldn't he want to establish a relationship with me and communicate.

Yes--Freddie and mother have secrets.  Yes--it's embarrassing and frustrating.

Mother never said thank you to me that day after all of that running around.......

I did get to be good friends with Ruth.....she is a wonderful person and she likes me, too.  I guess both Freddie and mother have been acting up for quite a while.  I love Ruth--she is an amazing lady.  Sometimes we visit and chat on the phone, too--that's a good thing.

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